with his brim pulled way down low

Having accomplished quite a bit today, I am about to take a well-deserved Heroes break. But I felt like I've been a bit lax about updating recently, so in lieu of sharing such exciting things about my life as "I swept the floor today and wrote 6 pages," or "I read an embarrassing YA novel about fat camp," I would do something a little different.

I have a number of pet theories about songs. Mentioning them in casual conversation and Facebook status updates is just not enough! It's time to catalogue them for posterity. And yeah, I'm going to spell catalogue like that. Try to stop me, Firefox, try to stop me.

1. "Sweet Home Alabama" is just "Werewolves of London" with worse lyrics.

2. "White Wedding" is about a brother who's had a creepy and possibly not consensual incestuous relationship with his sister, and is making fun of her attempt to make a fresh start with a new guy who doesn't know about it and thinks she's a virgin.

3. "Tainted Love" is about STDs.

4. "Turning Japanese" is about upskirt photography.

5. "I Love Rock and Roll" is about statutory rape. Okay, "about" might be a stretch. But she DOES say he looks 17. And you KNOW she's not really singing about a "he," too.

6. The hook in "Music is My Hot Hot Sex" comes from "Another One Bites the Dust."

Okay, that's enough for now, perhaps I will continue this in a future installment.